Untitled (May, the 4th)

Should I tell you that I’m nervous
That I don’t want to sleep and face another day
Should I tell you that I’m lonely
If I could only turn back to last year

The earth is spinning
Faster than my mind can comprehend
I’m afraid I’m stuck

Time is running
Faster than my memory can remember
I’m afraid I’m out of luck

If we can only flip the earth’s movement
But even superman can’t turn back time to save her girl

I’ve been watching the sky
Change hue from blue to orange
I’ve been capturing clouds
To preserve fluff, hide signs of damage

I’ve been sitting for a year
Watching planes come and go
I’ve been isolated
No one even knows

Should I tell you that the seasons show
That everything changes
Everyone expects me to grow
Should I tell you that I’m tired and I’m lost
And I’m struggling to change the effects of my choice


Dreams / Reality

I’ve kissed the heaven in my dreams
I was floating but not really
It tasted like vanilla clouds and minty sky
At the same time it tasted like soft pillows
For it tasted like dreams

I’ve kissed the person of my dreams
In my dreams, literally
It tasted like different bursts of rainbow
At the same time it tasted bland
For it tasted like dreams

I’ve kissed death multiple times in my dreams
Not really
But it tasted like poison and fear and sadness
At the same time it tasted like life
For it tasted like dreams


Reaching out for heavens
Arms raised
Back against the cold hard
As rain go pouring down
Down my face

I wish i could but i could not
Now im left with all these
Can i go Back in time
Back in space

Cause we, you see
Are living in this stupid selfish
Vivid dream
Where you and i the only ones
We knew exist
How long’s it gonna last?
I dont wanna wake up

Now no longer feeling that
My soul is stuck at its own
Wrong pace
Can i go trap the time
Trap the space

Cause we, you see
Are breathing the same selfish lie
I wish was real
Where you and i the only ones
I cant resist
To try to somehow make it last
I dont wanna wake up

Alter ego / This kind

She has the ability to love and the right to be happy. She likes seeing smiles. She likes warm and tight hugs and the idea of expressing love in every way.

Love is everything and nothing.
Love makes all worries and discomfort diminish. But love brings worries and lots of discomfort and uncertainty and sadness.

She encountered love but did not know how to handle this kind of love. This kind of love makes her happy and giddy and contented. This kind of love is genuine. This kind of love is real.

This kind of love is silly though. It’s shy and it’s sometimes unaccepted. It’s not perfect.

She wishes she has all the right words to say, to be able to express how much she cares, because she holds a love that is too strong, but is too weak to offer.

Love is not a game so she told herself “I can.” She was sure at one point but every time, uncertainty will come creeping in and all the confidence she built will crumble down. This kind of love is real and this kind of love will be wasted. It’s bad and it makes her sad.

She is writing a promise today that she will not give this kind of love to any other person. This is a promise only for her favorite person.

Her heart is in shards. It’s broken. It will not repair or rebuild or mend itself. Waiting is depressing. Crying is her new found best friend. She does not shed tears though. She weeps from the inside where the pieces of her heart are scattered.

Everything is gone. Her idea of love is shattered before her. She will not be able to sleep at night. She will begin to question every choice she made and every choice she has planned awaiting the right time to be executed. There will be no right time anymore. Ther will be no more planned choices. The table is empty and she’s stuck. Sigh. Back to weeping.

Her love is not a secret. But it’s likely that she can’t show it to the world. She can’t be proud but she was happy at those moments that she can present and prove her love. It might not be considered or returned the same way but it satisfies her that she can give genuine love without expectations.

It might only last until this day and she will have to force herself to move forward, but she embraces the moments they shared.

Love is everything. If she’s able to love, maybe she will be able to hope for better days to come. Hoping is a better alternative than weeping anyway.

So she will hope and she will wait and she will give her utmost ability to preserve the love and hold on to it until after the rain.

Ignorance is Bliss

Inside my head there lies a picture
Of earth and places and perfect nature;
Of music and lyrics and melodies
Where pain fades and hate sleeps

Inside my head there lies a vision
Golden specks of words and poems
Abundant wisdom lavishly flows
From time to time marvels grow

Carry me to a land of harmony
From a blue sky to an emerald sea;
From innocent hearts to playful minds
Where diverse philosophies entwined

So Close Together, So Far Apart

How would you feel when the most special person in your life is being dragged away from your grasp?
–when all you want to do is hold him but all they do is tear you two apart?
How would you feel when you’re just few inches away, yet there’s an invisible but strong barrier in the way?
–and snatching a mere look at him would mean sacrificing all that you’ve worked hard for in order to be where you currently are.
Do you remember the feeling when you once thought he is “your everything”?
Do you remember his scent, his warmth, the random conversations only the both of you understand?
Do you miss laughing to his silly jokes and wonder how his simple presence would complete your day?
Are you eager to stop the time so you could finally grab a hold of his hand?
Are you willing to be judged just so you can tell the world how this man really means to you?
If you have been forbidden to be with him, what would you do?
Is it necessary to follow the rules of the people around you, when you know who truly holds your heart?
–And what if he’s also asking the same question, but is also too afraid to give it a shot?
How would you feel when someone who once made you happy is now a stranger?
How would you pretend to be happy still now that there’s a rougher road to go through?
–when it is painful enough to see him laugh in the company of others.
–but what hurts the most is he also endures the pain of not being able to be with you.