Alter ego / This kind

She has the ability to love and the right to be happy. She likes seeing smiles. She likes warm and tight hugs and the idea of expressing love in every way.

Love is everything and nothing.
Love makes all worries and discomfort diminish. But love brings worries and lots of discomfort and uncertainty and sadness.

She encountered love but did not know how to handle this kind of love. This kind of love makes her happy and giddy and contented. This kind of love is genuine. This kind of love is real.

This kind of love is silly though. It’s shy and it’s sometimes unaccepted. It’s not perfect.

She wishes she has all the right words to say, to be able to express how much she cares, because she holds a love that is too strong, but is too weak to offer.

Love is not a game so she told herself “I can.” She was sure at one point but every time, uncertainty will come creeping in and all the confidence she built will crumble down. This kind of love is real and this kind of love will be wasted. It’s bad and it makes her sad.

She is writing a promise today that she will not give this kind of love to any other person. This is a promise only for her favorite person.

Her heart is in shards. It’s broken. It will not repair or rebuild or mend itself. Waiting is depressing. Crying is her new found best friend. She does not shed tears though. She weeps from the inside where the pieces of her heart are scattered.

Everything is gone. Her idea of love is shattered before her. She will not be able to sleep at night. She will begin to question every choice she made and every choice she has planned awaiting the right time to be executed. There will be no right time anymore. Ther will be no more planned choices. The table is empty and she’s stuck. Sigh. Back to weeping.

Her love is not a secret. But it’s likely that she can’t show it to the world. She can’t be proud but she was happy at those moments that she can present and prove her love. It might not be considered or returned the same way but it satisfies her that she can give genuine love without expectations.

It might only last until this day and she will have to force herself to move forward, but she embraces the moments they shared.

Love is everything. If she’s able to love, maybe she will be able to hope for better days to come. Hoping is a better alternative than weeping anyway.

So she will hope and she will wait and she will give her utmost ability to preserve the love and hold on to it until after the rain.

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