Yours truly never knows what she is feeling right now. All she knows is that all of a sudden it hits her: the feeling of worthlessness, being irresponsible, carefree. I haven’t had a good talk with my friends for a while now. I haven’t saved anything for the past two years. I spend a lot. I waste my time. I’m not doing things I’m supposed to do with enough ability. I can never make anyone smile; I can’t uplift anyone else’s mood. And just recently I feel like some part of someone’s anger and irritability was because of me. Someone’s leaving again today and some parts of me are making me feel a bit sad.
It’s getting hard to move a muscle. I’m supposed to write but..
I wish time would stop. I wanna daze in the nothingness which surrounds me. I feel like I’m sitting in a spot where everyone’s blurred and in slow motion.
What is life?
For just less than a month from now, I will be celebrating my 23rd year here on this wretched place called Earth (I wish I had gained something). Still I’m not able to understand and comprehend things around me: “Why do I feel this way?” “Why am I thinking things?” “How can this and that happen?” “This is my point of view –how am I viewing this?” “What does faith mean?” etc. etc. etc. How can someone live his/her life with too many questions unanswerable and in-understandable by anything or anyone? What’s the purpose of Science? What’s the purpose of Religion? Where am I?
I got a lifetime to do or say things I need or want to do or say, yet I feel like time is always my worst friend.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
I feel like shit. But still there’s always someone or something that a person like me should attend to first, even if it means ruining the flow of thoughts while I am writing. Sometimes some people should just learn how to mind their own business and not step and meddle with someone else’s.
Why am I writing upside down?